Chips

Once there was a young wombat named Benson, who lived in a tidy wombat hole in the ground with his mother and his two aunts, Lillibet and Moss.

Aunt Moss had a party to celebrate World Tomato Day, and after everyone left, there was one bag of chips left over.

Aunt Moss was very fond of chips, and so was Aunt Lillibet, and so was Benson. Even Benson’s mother liked them.

Aunt Lillibet said, “Who’s going to eat the last bag of chips?”

Benson’s mother said, “I was thinking of crushing them up and using them as topping on the turnip roast I’m making tonight.”

“No!” Aunt Moss and Aunt Lillibet said together, “don’t do that!”

Benson said, “How about we have a competition, and the winner gets the chips?”

“What sort of competition?” Aunt Lillibet said.

“We could have a race,” Benson said, “and the fastest one gets the chips.”

Nobody thought that was a good idea. “We could have a no-laughing game,” Aunt Lillibet said. “We all try to make each other laugh, and whoever laughs is out, and the last one in gets the chips.”

“No,” Benson and Aunt Moss said. Aunt Lillibet always won the no-laughing game.

“What about a funny joke game?” suggested Aunt Moss. “Whoever tells the funniest joke gets the chips.”

“How do we know which joke is funniest?” Lillibet said. “I might tell a joke that is very funny but no-one else laughs.”

“That’s very true,” Benson’s mother said. “People have different senses of humour.” She opened the bag of chips just enough so that everyone could smell them. “You know, the first chip is always the best one.”

“My favourite is sour cream and eucalyptus,” Aunt Moss said, breathing in the smell of the chips. “I know, what about we try to name as many flavours of chips as we can, and whoever thinks of the most wins the chips?”

“Good idea,” said Lillibet. “Plain, salt-and-vinegar…”

“Barbecue, cheese…” said Aunt Moss.

“Honey soy,” said Benson, “beetroot and Vegemite…”

“Beetroot and Vegemite?” said his mother. “Is that one flavour or two?” She took one chip out of the packet and crunched it thoughtfully.

“It’s two, beetroot flavoured, and Vegemite flavoured, but it could be both, so that’s three altogether,” he said. He took one chip and ate it with his eyes closed, imagining it was beetroot and Vegemite flavoured.

“If we’re going to make up flavours,” Aunt Lillibet said, “what about cheese and pickles?”

“Or cheese and celery,” Aunt Moss said. They both took a chip each.

“Chocolate,” Benson’s mother said.

“No!” everyone else said, but Benson thought chocolate might be interesting.

“Carrot and banana,” Aunt Moss said.

“Lemon and ginger,” Aunt Lillibet said. “Mustard seed. Pumpkin and walnut.”

“Mmm, delicious,” Aunt Moss said. “And zucchini and roasted capsicum, or tomato and spinach.”

“Tomato and cheese,” Aunt Lillibet said.

“Tomato and Vegemite,” Benson said.

“Tomato and cheese AND Vegemite,” Aunt Moss said. “Oh dear.”

Benson’s mother said, “What is it, Moss?”

There were no chips left in the packet. Benson’s mother turned the packet upside down, and not even a crumb came out. “I must say they were the most delicious chips I’ve ever had,” she said.

They all thought about their favourite flavours again.

Benson’s mother said, “I think I’ll make some cookies. Cranberry cookies?”

“Walnut and white chocolate,” Aunt Lillibet said.

“Beetroot and carrot,” Aunt Moss said.

Benson said, “What about…”

“NO Vegemite,” everyone said together.